i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
