yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
