i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
