Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
