it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
