I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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