i already hear my dad disowning me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
