hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
