I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
