That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
