Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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