If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
