the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
