I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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