Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
