Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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