its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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