Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
