TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
