I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
