I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
