So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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