She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize