I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
smell my finger.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
