While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
