Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
