Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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