My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
