my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize