Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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