Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
