Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
