...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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