so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your cock deserves a montage
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
