Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
