threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
