Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
