The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize