I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
