I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
