I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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