the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
