Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
