just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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