Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
