I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
