If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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