2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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