So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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