My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize