So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
