where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
