I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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