Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
