Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
