you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
