Can i not drive my cunt home
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
