her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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