So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
