Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
