it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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