have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
