holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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