i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
