I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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