I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
