$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
