normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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