Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
