Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
