I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
