Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
