as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
