Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
