is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
