Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
