I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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