Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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